That girls (or boy) that you wish you hadn't

[timmyspicyman]

Flip reverse of the other thread I guess.

My range of sexual encounters goes from absolutely stunning to absolutely repulsive. I basically have no standards, especially after a few pints.

There are two in particular that stick with me for all the wrong reasons....

The first of the worst was in Cancun. Now this holiday in Cancun was probably the best holiday I've ever had. The first night I was there I had 3 barmaids stroking my cock in the middle of a pub (cock out, not through trousers btw), the second night we (as in me, my bro and a mate) were pulled within about 3 minutes of walking into a nightclub. We didn't even have to try. The ratio of girls to boys was WAY in our favour and every night was soooo easy to pull. I've got some great memories of that holiday (including a particularly fit English bird). But I digress.

The last night of the holiday was the worst. By 2 am I hadnt' pulled and I was aghast, and determined to finish the holiday off on a high. My bro and our mate had gone home already as we had to be up at 8am for a flight. I stayed in the club on the prowl. By this point most of the good'uns were gone so I set my sights on the only bird left. I succeeded in pulling her, and we went back to my hotel where I nailed her on the private beach. She then wanted to come back up to my appartment, but I duly shoved her in a taxi and went to kip. I haven't described her yet as I'm putting the moment off.

First of, she was German. If I had to guess I'd say she was about 18 stone, had hairy armpits, hairy legs and a bush that had never seen a razor in its life. She was quite possibly the ugliest bird I have ever shagged (appart from the next one....). If it wasn't the last night I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't have bothered.


The second time. I was at a mates bbq. There were about 40 people there, 3 of whom were women. One was the hosts girlfriend, and the other was someone else there's girlfriend. That left the round lady. I say round because she was as tall as she was wide. No exageration.

Early on in the night she tried it on with me, but I was so repulsed by her sight that I declined. After a few hours, several beers and lots of vodka downed at drinking games, my libido rose in inverse relationship with my standards. I suddenly had the raging horn and there was only one vent. I waited until the round lady went in doors to get a drink, then went in after to chat her up.

Within a few minutes we were at it in my mates spare room. He had one of those sofa bed things. The weight of her fat ass being drilled into it actually buckled the reinforced metal bars of the bed. I sh*t you not.

To give you an idea of how rank she was, later in the evening (about 4am) she got out of bed starkers to go for a piss. I think she was sleep walking because instead of climbing back into the bed, she tried to get under the covers with someone who was kipping on the sofa in the sitting room. The bloke was so horrified that he got dressed there and then, still pissed probably, left the house, got in his car and drove home.

The next morning I went to the tattoo shop and got my nipple peirced as a sort of punishment and as a reminder never to sleep with a rank bird ever again.

[timmyspicyman]

So I'm the only one to have slept with 2 morbidly obese munters then?

Bugger.

[timmyspicyman]

Someone just pmed this to me. I'll leave you to guess who...

I’ve had a laod of horrific ones in my time
The worst was a Bonnie Langford but very very very very ugly lookalike
After about 15 pints on 80’s night in the union I stumbled around the dancefloor and pulled what I thought was a short fit bird
When the lights came up I saw she was actually ugly as sin had zero figure and made me want to puke
As it was 1am and there was nothing else on the plate I went back to here did the deal and then got dressed and left

A second time was when a bird who was bigger than me said at 2am you are coming to mine and I said no way and she said it wasn’t a request pinned me against the wall and well lets say my standards are so low you usually can only find them via sonar

Another one was a bird who I pulled in Sams bar, she was less than 5 foot tall and around 6 foot wide. Anyway I can’t digress the details as I feel sick

Another one was well the same as the last one. She was up for a bit of the old finger action in a club so I obliged sniffed my fingers and puked. My mate knobbed her

[gthedog]

Shouldn't these stories be in the room for gentlemen's entertainment?

Anyway....

I pulled the all out munter where I was working as an intern. She was american, had had her fair share of burgers, and I nailed her in my flatmates room as he was away and seemed the right thing to do at the time and I was hammered.
Needless to say I woke in the morning and the terrible memories came back to me as she slept next to me. I went to the bathroom, puked for about 10 minutes, walked back in the room and booted her out.
The gossip on the monday went like wildfire. Unfortunately my flatmate also worked where I was working as an intern and he came to me and said 'you'll never guess what someone has nailed (can't even remember her name....Holly??)'
To which I replied 'yeah it was me!'
I felt sad at that moment

A few weeks later I nailed one of the secretaries though and she was pretty hot.

[adderdabadder]

Originally Posted by timmyspicyman

Someone just pmed this to me. I'll leave you to guess who...

HAHAHA. "the finger action" part made me laugh...*


this thread might be better in the inferno...

[mutski]

The one whose fetid minge gave me temporary throat AIDS

[Doorzetbornandbred]

Originally Posted by timmyspicyman

Someone just pmed this to me. I'll leave you to guess who...

Hammy.

[Leniency?]

I bet Hadrian has rooted some right beasts in his time.

[morepork]

Originally Posted by Leniency?

I bet Hadrian has rooted some right beasts in his time.

What, like pigs, goats, and Llamas?

[Plug]

Kate M.
From Stoke on Trent.
Met in college in Swansea in Sept.86.
Great body. Went like a rabbit. Happy to experiment. Wore the gear.
Pea soup in my bundies over Xmas (N.S.U).
She was history by Jan 15th.